This is an interesting chapter to be re-reading in early November 2024. Anger, anxiety, and loneliness are difficult topics because they are personal. It is easy to take a myopic view and tell ourselves that these are someone else’s problems. Or worse that they need to be walled up. They aren’t and they shouldn’t be. 

Earlier this year, my wife and I were taking a van camping trip. We spent two nights in a campground and hiking during the day (with some light rock climbing). We packed most of the van and drove to the trailhead to get to the trails we wanted. During the day someone had decided we had left the camp, and they took several items we had left behind to mark the site. The items we had left as markers to remind people we were still there included my old running shoes (not in great shape but they were mine). When we returned, my first reaction was anger and disgust. However, I recently read the story of Epictetus and the iron lamp (Pigliucci also recounts it in this chapter). One of Epictitus’s points in the story is that greater injury accrues to the person who destroys their character by becoming a thief. Even if inadvertently, how you react accrues to your character rather than the thief. I overcame my anger and reclaimed my character, first by recognizing it was just stuff that had been taken and then rephrased/reframed the incident by considering how great the need of the person was and how they had to debase themselves for a ratty pair of running shoes. Anger managed. In the end, all of the stuff came back and by managing my anger the day had not been wrecked and I felt better about myself.  

Another useful point in the chapter is that not every problem has a solution. From the point of anger and anxiety management, understanding that some problems are outside of our control is important. Piggaluci suggests “We should cut ourselves some slack for not being able to solve everything so long as we’ve done all that we can reasonably do under the circumstances.” I interact with clients and teach remote classes regularly. I like things to begin and end smoothly. Recently, as I prepared for a Mastering Work Intake event, the power in the area failed (blown transformer). I executed a quickly devised backup plan and everything started but it was not as seamless as I desired. I had to recognize that the perfection I desired was not reasonably under my control (at least with a 10-minute head start and a fixed budget). This brings us back to looking at life through the lens of Epictitus’s dichotomy – considering what is and is not under my control. 

“When I see a man in a state of anxiety, I say, what can this man want? If he did not want something which is not in his power, how could he still be anxious?” Epictetus.

Another interesting twist on the anger, anxiety, and problem-solution front came to mind as I considered an event I participated in a while ago. The firm has performance problems and the leadership team asked their internal process group to facilitate a session to help identify the root cause with the wider management team. I was asked to observe and provide an after-action report on the event (a second set of eyes). During a breakout session, I heard a senior executive tell their subordinates not to bring them problems, only solutions. As an observer, I had to fight the urge to get involved in the conversation and I felt for the person that had been drafted to facilitate the session. I left wondering what problems the exec and their firm have that they are blithely unaware of. Taking the advice that at an individual’s level, it is not possible to perceive if complex or complicated problems have a solution. Classic risk management provides many collaborative techniques to jointly identify and explore root causes. I left hoping my 401k would not be invested in that firm. 

I am still struggling with the loneliness portion of this chapter. Stoics view some degree of loneliness as a natural part of the experience of life. The suggestion is to build resilience. On reflection, the chapter on Role Models foreshadowed the role of resilience. The story of Admiral James Stockdale’s captivity in North Vietnam was an example of using Stoic principles to build resilience.

Catch on all of the entries in the re-read of  How To Be A Stoic by Massimo Pigliucci (buy a copy and read along)

Week 1: Logistics and Opening Thoughts

Week 2: The Unstraightforward Path  

Week 3: A Roadmap For The Journey

Week 4: Some Things Are In Our Power, Others Are Not

Week 5: Live According To Nature

Week 6: Playing Ball With Socrates

Week 7: God or Atoms?

Week 8: It’s All About Character

Week 9: A Very Crucial Word 

Week 10: The Role of Role Models

Week 11: Disability And Mental Illness

Week 12: On Death And Suicide